Daphne's story
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It was a chilly day in February as Daphne and I stood under the barren oak tree in front of my home when I commented on her shortness of breath. “Oh, its just a cold I haven’t been able to shake. It’ll be fine.” That next day she called out to me from across the way to make sure I got the brochure of the club where she ordered her books. She placed it in my mailbox overnight. A curious ring of urgency in her voice: “Just want to make sure you know where to get those books we talked about!” “OK Daphne, thanks, hon!” Two weeks later Daphne was dead of a lung cancer that began ravaging her lungs several months prior. She was 46 years old. She did not smoke.

Daphne was an extraordinarily good woman who was possessed with the rare gift of giving from her heart. The community was bettered by her. And almost a year after her death we remain bereft facing the void that appeared too suddenly, and that can never be filled. We now know how sick Daphne was during those years and months when she was putting out for others while placing her urgent health needs on the cold back burner - asking for nothing in return. Silence.

To nurture is a common and expected role of women. Many women and nurturing men go about this role negating and feeling guilty about their own human needs to be nurtured. They prefer the nobility of self-sacrifice over personal care and well-being. But there is nothing more healing and nourishing to others than the model you set by affirming the life in your body and your joy and wonder of being alive. AND by allowing others to do for you. There is no shame in this. Just balance! With this comes longer life lived closer to and among those you love and who love you. Daphne was working with what she knew to be right, best and true to her nature. And as we honor the choices she made regarding her health, I and countless others miss that woman, deeply.

Silence is an enemy to givers of heart. If those in your immediate circle can not listen, then expand or go outside that circle and find someone who will. When you listen to your needs first, there is someone to join you.

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